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Hail and Well Met, Friend Transcript
Please note this is currently the recording scipt. It needs some minor edits to match the published episode, especially noting the final sound effects and their timing. BARD Welcome dear listeners, to the Adventures of Sir Rodney the Root! SCENE 1. EXT. OUTSIDE OF THE SUNKEN KINGDOM BIANKA This is insane! It's impossible to find a unicorn in the wild. GILBERT I have to say, I feel really good about the way things are going. We have the staff and a unicorn just fell into our laps. Well done, everyone. SOUND: The unicorn WHEEZES, then COLLAPSES. ALL Oh my gods! / surprised noises COLIN You didn't come look for me-- Ooooooh...! CAMILLA What's wrong with it? FAENDYR Oh. You guys see it too? Somebody give me a hand up, I'm laying in my own vomit. Ugh. GILBERT Here. Are you alright? SOUND: Faendyr stands up, brushes himself off. FAENDYR Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Not sure about Sparkles over there. Is it dead? GILBERT I don't know. CAMILLA Go check! GILBERT I don't know how to take a unicorn's pulse! BIANKA Fine. I'll do it. (under her breath) Bunch of babies. SOUND: She walks over. COLIN Will he be alright? BIANKA Sorry, kid. I'm afraid not. COLIN (sad) Ooooooh. FAENDYR If it's any consolation, kid, he looks like he was an old guy. He lived a long, full life. GILBERT I don't believe this. The gods hate us! CAMILLA Now what are we going to do? We're not going to just bump into another unicorn. GILBERT I suppose we could head back to Rippling Brook and-- CAMILLA I will never deign to set foot in that hell hole again. BIANKA I have an idea. It's a little out there but bear with me. CAMILLA More "out there" than a grown man trapped inside of a stick? GILBERT You know Rodney can't defend himself. BIANKA A... work acquaintance of mine lives near here. FAENDYR That's nice. And? BIANKA He's a necromancer. GILBERT Are you serious? CAMILLA It could work. FAENDYR I don't know. Necromancy... most mages won't touch that stuff with a 10 foot lance. GILBERT What are our other options? CAMILLA We take some of its hair to give to Gwendolyn and we find a common horse and stick a horn on it for the zoological garden. My father will never know the difference. COLIN But if unicorns are endangered, shouldn't we do everything we can to save one? GILBERT He does have a point. COLIN Thanks, Dad! FAENDYR Ha. He called you dad. COLIN You're very silly, Other Dad! FAENDYR Oh no. BIANKA Cool, so that's four to one. FAENDYR You know necromancy has been banned in the Imperium since the Demon Wars. Because- oh you know- The Demon Wars. COLIN We're not in the Elven Imperium, though. CAMILLA And Kirkland didn't throw off the rule of the Imperium to let their magickal College make the rules in our own country. FAENDYR Oh come on. Gil? GILBERT Sorry, but I have to save Rodney. And if that involves, necromancy, so be it. BIANKA Looks like you're still outnumbered, Stretch. FAENDYR "Stretch." Hilarious. I'm so glad you've joined our party. Whatever. Is this necromancer far? Cuz I don't know if you guys remember, but I'm injured. CAMILLA You're fine. FAENDYR I have a concussion! CAMILLA Walk it off. BIANKA He's maybe an hour's walk from here. We should probably hop to it though, or our new friend is going to start to smell. GILBERT Speaking of... how are we going to get him there? EVERYONE BUT FAENDYR Not it! BIANKA Sorry, Stretch. FAENDYR Oh come on! CAMILLA I thought you were a Master of the Arcane? Just levitate him or whatever it is you mages do. FAENDYR I can't propel him forward at the same time too! GILBERT You levitate him and I'll push. You know, maybe Bianka's necromancer friend can resurrect the Bard. BEAT. COMPANIONS ... Nah. SOUND: MUSIC SOUND: TRANSITION SCENE 2. INT. GWENDOLYN'S HUT. SOUND: A HORSE approaches, stops. It WHINNES. It's rider DISMOUNTS. We hear their FOOTSTEPS as Gwendolyn talks to herself: GWENDOLYN Ooop, no you don't! SOUND: Smash, like a wooden mallet hitting a table. Glasses and plates jump. GWENDOLYN Haha! Take that! Enjoy your bath (chuckle) SOUND: She drops something... someone? into water. A cauldron boils over. GWENDOLYN Now where did I put that hemlock... SOUND: The rider knocks on the door. GWENDOLYN Go away! I'm busy. Come back at the next harvest moon! SOUND: The door opens. PEERLESS Gwendolyn. GWENDOLYN Ah. Lord Perfect. PEERLESS Peerless. GWENDOLYN I was wondering when you'd come back. I trust you still haven't found your wayward fiancée? PEERLESS That was merely a ruse. Her majesty may fall into the Great Abyss for all I care. Frankly, that would make things easier for me. I have more important matters to attend to. GWENDOLYN I'm all ears. Well, I'm not literally ''all ears. Could you imagine? Wooof, eldritch horror alert! Anyway, what can I do ya for? '''SCENE 4. EXT. OUTSIDE MALPHOREUS' CASTLE.' CROWS, maybe THUNDER. Generally OMINOUS. COLIN Oooooooh. GILBERT Well, this certainly looks like a castle a necromancer would be at home in. FAENDYR So I have to ask, this friend of yours, is he an elf or...? BIANKA He's human. FAENDYR Fantastic! Let's just throw demons into the mix. Everything has been going so well, after all. What could go wrong? COLIN Demons? FAENDYR They live in another dimension, like faeries, only... they're meaner. COLIN Meaner than faeries?! Oooooh. CAMILLA Only elves can naturally use magic. If a human wants to, they have to make a pact with a demon. COLIN Humans can't do magic? GILBERT Nope. Sorry. COLIN But I can talk to animals. Isn't that magic? KEVIN (muffled) *squeak* COLIN Shhh, Kevin! GILBERT (dad tone:) Why is there squeaking coming from your pocket? COLIN It's my bag... and I have no idea! GILBERT Colin... SOUND: Colin's bag flap opening. KEVIN *squeak* CAMILLA Have you had a rat in your satchel since we left Jade Reach? COLIN Yes. BIANKA Nice. CAMILLA Oh my gods. FAENDYR Not to change the subject- because we will discuss this later, kid- but as thrilling as it is to cast a levitation spell for the last hour and a half, it's a bit draining on the ol' mana reserves. CAMILLA You can't handle maintaining a simple levitation spell? FAENDYR I'm levitating a full grown horse. Not a Pomeranian. COLIN What's a pomergranian? BIANKA Pomeranian. It's a miniature dragon breed. CAMILLA I had a Pomeranian when I was younger. She had a fondness for disemboweling the servants. FAENDYR Adorable. So, how do we do this, Bianka? We just go up and knock on the portcullis, or...? BIANKA Oh ho. No. Malphoreus will reveal himself to us. GILBERT How? BIANKA Oh, you'll see. SOUND: A magical SPELL taking effect. Sound of EARTH MOVING, MOANING. CAMILLA What's going on? BIANKA Just watch. SOUND: Clanking BONES, moaning. STEVE OOooooOOOOoooohhhhh! COLIN Ooooooh! A skeleton! Hail and well met, friend! BIANKA You're pretty brave, kid. I've seen grown men turn tail and run at the sight of a skeleton digging itself out of the ground. STEVE SILENCE! BIANKA Sorry Steve. Didn't mean to ruin the effect there. STEVE (his "normal" voice) Oh, hey Bianka! BIANKA Please, continue. I want them to get the full experience. STEVE Oh yeah, sure thing! Anything for you Queen B. (clears his throat, then scary voice again:) Beware mortals! You have approached the castle of Malphoreus the Deathless! The bonds of time and mortality mean nothing to him! He has stared into the abyss and the abyss awkwardly looked away!! Turn back now if you value your sanity!!! BIANKA Ooh this is new. STEVE ("normal") Yeah, I'm trying out something different. Too much? BIANKA No, I like it. MALPHOREUS (as if from the castle:) Steven! Are they gone? STEVE Uh, no. I didn't know if you wanted me to run them off or...? I mean, it's Bianka and some friends though, so. And they have a floating horse? SOUND: Malphoreus opens a PORTAL and appears before them. COMPANIONS (Surprised noises) COLIN Ooooh! Where did you come from? Were you hiding? Ooh! Were you invisible?! MALPHOREUS No child. I used my advanced grasp of magicks to bend space and time to create a portal and appear before you. COLIN Oooooh! MALPHOREUS As for you, Steven, you are no help at all. I don't know why I keep you around. SOUND: Malphoreus SNAPS his finger. Steve collapses with a RATTLE OF BONES hitting the ground. COLIN Steve! MALPHOREUS Don't worry about him. He's already dead, what's the worst that could happen? Haha. Sorry, necromancy humor. Greetings. I am Malphoreus the Deathless. COMPANIONS Hey. Hi. MALPHOREUS Did Steven get to the new bit about the abyss? BIANKA It was good, I liked it. MALPHOREUS I must say, Bianka, I'm surprised to see you so soon. Unless I've become unmoored from this plane's space-time continuum again... BIANKA Oh. No, I'm freelancing. MALPHOREUS Ah. I assume this floating, dead unicorn is the clue to why you're at my portcullis. Unless this is a new trend with you centennials. I haven't been keeping up with popular culture. FAENDYR Can we speed this up? I'm dying here. MALPHOREUS Then you've come to the right place. Haha. Sorry. CAMILLA Malphoreus- I am the Crown Princess Camilla. MALPHOREUS I am aware of who you are. You're on the money. CAMILLA This unicorn is a matter of national import. MALPHOREUS (skeptical) May I inquire how? CAMILLA It's all very hush-hush, I'm afraid. MALPHOREUS I will lend you my aid, your highness. Provided this is not part of a petty tit-for-tat between Kings Alfred and Jeffrey. CAMILLA Uh. MALPHOREUS A necromancer has enough enemies without involving themselves in the politics of the physical realm. COMPANIONS No no, nope. Haha no. MALPHOREUS Come with me. SOUND: Portal opening. MALPHOREUS Right this way. FAENDYR You're really into portals, huh? MALPHOREUS I sold my soul to a demon, son. I'm going to milk it for all it's worth. SOUND: Portal closing SCENE 5. INT. MALPHOREUS' STUDY. Potions BUBBLING. The sense of a smaller room in castle, stone walls, floors. MAGICAL yet DISCONCERTING ambiance. MALPHOREUS Welcome to my castle. Specifically to my laboratory. Most who enter do not leave. Well, not alive and in their original body. Haha. Sorry. FAENDYR Can I put this down? MALPHOREUS Yes, please do, on that runèd table there-- SOUND: Unicorn DROPPING on stone, heavy. Maybe a bone cracking. MALPHOREUS Gently. FAENDYR Oops. MALPHOREUS Let's see what we're dealing with here... SOUND: Something magical and strange. MALPHOREUS Well. I have good news and bad news. GILBERT Of course. MALPHOREUS Good news, the corpse may still house a soul. However its own spirit has long fled. I cannot call it back. GILBERT So that's it, we're just stuck with a dead unicorn? MALPHOREUS I could pull a lost soul out of the Netherplane, but I understand if that's not-- CAMILLA That's not a problem. MALPHOREUS It's not? Most people want the original soul. For sentimental reasons, I'm told. Forgive the question, but have one of you died recently? I am sensing another soul. Purely professional curiosity, you understand. FAENDYR I mean it was a close call for me back there. GILBERT Wait. Could it be Rodney? MALPHOREUS It's impossible for me to tell the identity without performing a complicated ritual. Which will be extra. GILBERT A friend of mine, Sir Rodney, was turned into a root. This one here, actually. MALPHOREUS I was wondering what that was about, but I thought it rude to inquire. I must say that is a very... odd use of magic. Wait, was it that no-good witch Gwendolyn? GILBERT Yes! You know her? MALPHOREUS Unfortunately. The magical community in the human kingdoms is small, most of us know each other. I'm surprised I've never heard of you before, master elf. FAENDYR I keep a low profile. MALPHOREUS Is that difficult with your height? FAENDYR (sigh) BIANKA Nice. MALPHOREUS Up high. SOUND: They high-five. GILBERT Can you do anything? MALPHOREUS I could easily make him shorter. GILBERT No, I mean about Rodney. MALPHOREUS The only thing that may undo the spell is one or more of the Unholy Relics. Grave objects of-- FAENDYR Yeah, we know all this. MALPHOREUS Of course. If you don't mind, I need a moment to call a departed soul to join with the body. Just-- stand over there. And don't touch anything please, I don't have time to explain what will entrap your soul and what will not. SOUND: Malphoreus walks further into the room. The sound of pages flipping. As this is going on, a CAT walks in. A MEOW, BELL jingle. COLIN Ooooh! What a beautiful cat! MALPHOREUS (from further in the room) Careful, she's a demon. GILBERT Yeah, my grandfather had a tabby like that on the farm-- MALPHOREUS No. She's an actual demon. GILBERT Um, what? MALPHOREUS (in the background, begins to chant to himself) SOUND: A continuing sound of an eldritch SPELL TAKING EFFECT. SNOWBALL Would you like to know how you'll die, human? GILBERT Don't touch it, Colin COLIN Thank you, Cat-Demon, but I'd rather not. SNOWBALL Have it your way, mortal boy. But do be careful around cabbage carts. COLIN (scared) Ooooooh. GILBERT You okay, Colin? COLIN I'm going to go hide under this table now. But not because I'm scared. SNOWBALL Be careful of the-- SOUND: GROWLING, something scary and unearthly. COLIN OOoooooh! I'll... just stand right here. Next to Faendyr. SNOWBALL Meow. COLIN Ooooh. SOUND: Colin scurries underneath Feandyr's robes. Heavy fabric moving. FAENDYR Please don't-- what are you...? And you're under my robes. COLIN (muffled) I'm not hiding or anything. I'm just, um, cold. GILBERT Hi Cold, I'm Gil. Sorry, I had to. FAENDYR Fine, kid. You can stay there, but if that rat touches me, I will disown you. SNOWBALL Be careful with my friend, elf. FAENDYR Colin...? SNOWBALL No, you fool. An Unholy has chosen you. I sense a presence I have not felt in a long time. FAENDYR Oh, I'm not keeping it. SNOWBALL It is both a blessing and a curse. Use it well. BIANKA You know, I don't think Malphoreus ever told me your name. SNOWBALL You couldn't possibly pronounce it. GILBERT Your tag says "Snowball." BIANKA (snorting) Snowball? SNOWBALL Is this amusing to you, dwarf? BIANKA It's just... "snowball's chance in hell"... And you're a demon? *ahem* It's a lovely name. FAENDYR Soooo, Snowball. You could appear as anything in the universe. And you're a fluffy, white cat? SNOWBALL The ways of the demons are complex. We make our plans on the scale of millennia. Your measly three-dimensional brain could not possibly grasp our motivations. FAENDYR Yeah, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you can't figure out how to return to your original form. SNOWBALL ... Perhaps. MALPHOREUS At the time Snowball approached me, I was living a solitary existence as a monk, living out my days in humble service to the gods, crafting healing elixirs and salves for ungrateful peasants. CAMILLA Peasants are the worst. MALPHOREUS Yes, I believe they caught the plague just to try my nerves. However, my true interests lay in the darker, more arcane magicks. Snowball first tried to tempt me in the form of a beautiful woman, then an attractive man. When she finally discerned I have no desire for carnal temptation, she enticed me with the companionship of a soft and adorable cat. Which, to her credit, worked. SNOWBALL Yes yes yes. Thank you all so very much for bringing that up. COLIN (under the robe) You're welcome. SNOWBALL Servant! I require wet food. Now. MALPHOREUS Not now, Snowball. We have guests. And din-din isn't until vespers. SNOWBALL (annoyed meow) MALPHOREUS Please, no further interruptions. I must concentrate. This is the fun part. For me that is. Haha. SOUND: The spell becomes more intense. Maybe the moaning of ghosts. Something otherworldly. BIANKA So what's the deal with this Rodney guy? I mean, why are you guys going to all this trouble to help him? FAENDYR It's kind of like... my job? CAMILLA It's part of my character arc. You know, the Hero's Journey? FAENDYR You seriously think you're the hero? CAMILLA Do you? MALPHOREUS (from further away in the room) Ah! Yes, this soul will do nicely. It will only be a moment now. BIANKA What about you, "Sir Knight"? GILBERT It's the right thing to do. BIANKA But, are you like... friends or something? GILBERT Um. We know each other. (quickly) Not very well though. Just, um, professionally. FAENDYR He's kind of a jerk, honestly. GILBERT A little bit, I guess. He's just very... um, passionate. FAENDYR He's a friend, huh? GILBERT Almost done over there? MALPHOREUS I suppose. No one in this century appreciates art... CAMILLA He looks as dead as he did before. MALPHOREUS The process is complete. It takes a moment for a soul to acclimate to its new home. COLIN He's waking up! MALPHOREUS The process can be very jarring for a soul to discover they are in a new body. SNOWBALL There's a reason you mortals don't remember being an infant. MALPHOREUS Be prepared for anything! MUSIC: Maybe something dramatic, SUSPENSEFUL KEANU Woooooooaaaahhhhhh. How long was I out? COMPANIONS Seriously? Uh, what? Ooooh! (etc) COLIN Hail and well met friend! I'm Colin, what's your name? KEANU Oh hey, lil dude. I'm Keanu. COLIN He says his name is Keanu. GILBERT Thanks, Colin, but we can all hear what he's saying. COLIN Oooooh! Keanu, this is my family- Gil, Faendyr, Bianka, Camilla and Kevin. GIL, FAENDYR AND BIANKA Uh hi. Hello (etc) KEVIN *squeak* CAMILLA It's "Princess" Camilla, "Heir to the Throne of Kirkland", actually. KEANU Nice. Man, I must've wiped out big time. I don't remember having hoofs. Or a tail. GILBERT Is this... normal? I mean the talking, and the... dialect? MALPHOREUS Not at all. FAENDYR Fantastic. Now we have a talking horse. KEANU Oh, I'm a horse? BIANKA Unicorn actually. COLIN You're very special! There aren't many unicorns left. KEANU Niiiiice! I mean you'd think I'd remember that, but cool. MALPHOREUS Keanu, I regret to inform you that your previous body has returned to dust. KEANU Cool cool cool. MALPHOREUS (sigh: "idiot") No. You died. KEANU Aw, major bummer! MALPHOREUS You died, and I reached into the ether and pulled your soul from the Netherplane, where souls rest before they find a new life. With my incomparable skill, I placed your soul within a new body, whose own soul had passed on to its next world. KEANU Right on, bro. FAENDYR You're just telling him all this? MALPHOREUS Necromancers adhere to a very strict code of ethics. KEANU It's all cool, bro. I'd rather not be dead an' all. GILBERT Do you remember anything about your life before? KEANU (seeming to remember) Hm... Well... Nope. MALPHOREUS Memories of your past life may return to you, in time. I can make no guarantees, however. KEANU I mean I'm a zombie unicorn. I'm, like, pretty sure my past life was nowhere near as rad. MALPHOREUS That's one way to look at it, I suppose. SOUND: GROANING, CHAINS rattling from another room. MALPHOREUS If that's all, I really must get back to my work. The test subjects are getting restless. GILBERT Uh, we'll leave you to it. Thank you for your help. MALPHOREUS There is the matter of my compensation. Gauche as it may be. GILBERT Sorry? MALPHOREUS Money. How are you going to pay me? COMPANIONS Ohh... uh... hmmm... I mean I don't... BIANKA Tell you what big guy. The next job you need me for? It's on me. MALPHOREUS Careful Bianka. Will the Inquisitor approve? BIANKA What the Inquisitor doesn't know won't hurt her. MALPHOREUS Very well. The bargain is struck SOUND: THUNDER clap outside. MALPHOREUS That's odd, I was unaware that we were expecting storms. I would offer you a night's shelter, but you are likely safer outside of my castle's walls. SOUND: GROANING and RATTLING again, this time more vigorously. FAENDYR We'll get out of your hair. COLIN Come on, Keanu! Let's get to know your new family! KEANU Right on, lil bro. Sound: Horse HOOVES, GLASS BREAKING, things FALLING to the floor, etc. Snowball's ANNOYED MEOW KEANU Uh, woah. Sorry. Not used to having four legs. SOUND: Another CRASH KEANU Or a horn on my face. MALPHOREUS Please! Stop moving! I will show you out. SOUND: Finger SNAPPING, Followed by PORTAL opening. FAENDYR I gotta figure out how to do that. MALPHOREUS Please, through here. SOUND: PORTAL closing. IMMEDIATE CUT TO: SCENE 6. EXT. OUTSIDE OF MALPHOREUS' CASTLE. The companions arrive in the middle of a forest. It's raining pretty hard. COMPANIONS (react to the rain) CAMILLA I suppose it was too much for Malphoreus to transport us somewhere dry. FAENDYR Ugh, my hair. I wonder if I can... SOUND: Faendyr attempt to CAST a PORTAL, but it's not right. It's too weak, fizzles out early, etc. Sound continues, along with page flipping. GILBERT What are you doing? FAENDYR I'm trying ''to cast a portal and get us out of the rain. I thought maybe ol' Flesh Eater here might help. GILBERT Is it? FAENDYR Maybe. SOUND: Bad portal again. (which continues off and on) FAENDYR Nope. SOUND: BONES clanking as Steve approaches STEVE Beware mortals! You have approached the castle of-- BIANKA Steve, it's us. STEVE Oh. Hey. Well, this is awkward. I'll just... bye. SOUND: BONES collapsing BIANKA So, what's next, companions? CAMILLA Well, we have the staff and a unicorn. KEANU Hey, that's me! CAMILLA We still need the other Unholy Relic. FAENDYR What was it called? The hungry ring? CAMILLA The Hungering Band. GILBERT The Hungering Band and the Consumer of Flesh? I'm sensing a theme with the names of these things. BIANKA If you're after the Hungering Band it's in Amaranthyne. FAENDYR Wait, Amaranthyne? Like, the capital city of the Elven Imperium Amaranthyne? BIANKA No, the inconsequential gnome village of Amaranthyne. Of course I mean the Imperium capital. FAENDYR Great. Fantastic. GILBERT What's wrong? FAENDYR I'm just... not in a big hurry to go back, that's all. BIANKA Well, from here it's about a week's journey, so you have some time to prepare yourself. FAENDYR (Griffin McElroy voice) Un''less... EVERYONE ELSE Unless? SOUND: Bad portal. FAENDYR Nevermind. GILBERT It's pretty late. We did steal a Demon-powered staff and raise a unicorn from the dead. I think we can call it a day. CAMILLA Excuse you, I'm still the Crown Princess... I second everything you just said. COLIN Keanu, you can share my tent! KEANU Thanks lil man! FAENDYR Yeah, good luck with that, kid. CAMILLA You know, it would be very useful if you could use your magic to set up camp. COLIN (quickly) Who wants to set up the tents....! EVERYONE BUT FAENDYR Not it! FAENDYR Oh come on! ... I gotta be faster on that. BARD Will the Companions continue their run of suspiciously good luck or will they do something to muck it up? Of course they will! Find out how next time on THE ADVENTURES OF SIR RODNEY THE ROOT! CREDITS AFTER CREDITS SCENE. INSIDE GILBERT'S TENT. Evening. It's raining, lightly. Perhaps we can hear snoring coming from other tents. BARD Late that evening, around the usual time that weird stuff happens... RODNEY Gilbert... Gillllllllbert...! SOUND: Gilbert sits up from a dead sleep and draws a knife. GILBERT Who's there? Show yourself! RODNEY It's me, Rodney, you dummy. GILBERT Wait, what? RODNEY Is that a sword or are you happy to see me? GILBERT Um, it's a knife actually. RODNEY You didn't answer my question. GILBERT Where are you? RODNEY I'm trapped in that stick, keep up man. GILBERT It's a root, actually. RODNEY I'm disappointed in you, Gilbert. You don't really want me to get out of this root, now do you? GILBERT Don't be ridiculous, I'm dragging myself across the continent on an increasingly ridiculous fetch quest for you. RODNEY I've seen the way you look at that lady. GILBERT Camilla?? You have the wrong idea-- RODNEY No no no. Not her Majesty. The tall one with the ridiculous dresses. GILBERT Faendyr? He's, um, a he. RODNEY Oh sorry, my bad. GILBERT Also he's been King Alfred's court mage for like three years. How have you not noticed him before? RODNEY He's not my type. I like a rugged man's man. As you know. GILBERT So because you don't personally find him attractive you never noticed he existed? RODNEY I'm berating you here. And my point stands. I've seen the way you look at him. GILBERT I have no idea what you're talking about. RODNEY When you think I'm not looking. GILBERT Oh my gods, you can see in there? RODNEY It'd make things pretty complicated if I got out of here, wouldn't it? GILBERT I mean, hypothetically... RODNEY I can see into your heart, Gil. GILBERT No you can't. RODNEY Yes I can. GILBERT I don't believe you. RODNEY I can too! GILBERT I think you're lying, per usual. You're a big lying liar! ... BEAT GILBERT Rodney... Hello? ... Well, this is awkward. BLOOPER LENA And then, uh, Michael, this is you at some point. MICHAEL Oh? LENA Yeah. Um MICHAEL Ooooh! LENA Yeah, this is, remember Steve the Skeleton? MICHAEL Steve the American Skeleton (Bridgette laughs) LENA Yeah. He's actually American. Like, from our deminsion and stuff MICHAEL Oh really? LENA No I dunno I just made that up. SILVER Steve's backstory is the deepest of all the characters DANIEL (crosstalk to Bridgette) I want Faendyr and Bianka to just go to toe-to-toe in sass, like... BRIDGETTE Yeah. Or like that we're fighting for position LENA Yeah they're like, "I'm sorry but there can only be on sassy companion and it's me." MICHAEL Be like they have a conversation that's only passive agressive LENA and DANIEL Yeah (Daniel and Bridgette laugh) END OF EPISODE